And on we go....

Jeff and I made it to Vegas.  We ended up living with my brother Greg for a while until we could find a place.  That summer, Jeff's son Galen came to live with us.  I was thrown into parenthood at a moments notice and honestly didn't know what to do.  I was not his mom, and he reminded me of that every day.  He didn't like me at first, and I didn't know how to juggle having rules but also getting him to like me.  I hadn't used since the day we left Salt Lake for Vegas.  Truth be told, I didn't want to go looking and get in trouble.  I was still early enough in the addiction that I cared about whether or not I got busted.  During this time, I got pregnant with Maddy.  I stayed sober because there was still enough dignity in me that I didn't feel right making a choice for someone who had no choice.  Jeff actually brought crack home one time, and I refused it.  Maddy came into this world on October 26.  She was perfect.  I thanked God over and over for her being healthy.  I somehow thought that even though I didn't use with her, that there might be leftover drugs in my system or something.  I was truly happy in Vegas.  I loved the diverse culture, and I really liked the 24 hour city.  I was happier in Vegas than I had been in a long time.  I secured a job with  Cotera Productions which is a props n effects company.  We did all of the props for Oceans 11.  I got to meet a lot of actors including George Clooney and Julia Roberts.  George Clooney is a really neat guy.  Julia Robers, on the other hand, is a total witch.  I was the office manager, but I helped on set a lot because I needed the overtime.  I made good money, but Vegas isn't cheap.  Jeff was an alcoholic and gambler.  I know, Vegas probably wasn't the best city for him.  LOL  He would get a job, and lost it within about 2 weeks for drinking on the job.  Problem was, he was such a bad alcoholic that he had grand mal seizures if he didn't have a drink about every 4 hours.  So he stayed home with Maddy and I worked my butt to support us.  My working is probably one of the ways I was able to stay sober.  I didn't have time to get high.  Aside from the alcohol, I was very much in love with Jeff.  I put him in 3 rehabs in the 3 years we were there, but it never worked.  Somehow, I believed that if I loved him enough and made him go to rehab, he would someone get well.  I know differently know.  You can't make someone change.  They have to do it on their own.  Putting him in rehab was a big waste of money.  Rehab only works when you want it to, not when someone else wants it to.  I know now that has drinking really had nothing to do with how much he loved me or the kids.  It's an illness.  It takes over every part of your life and really screws up your priorities.  One morning he had been out all night drinking and gambling and came home as I was getting ready to take Galen to school, Maddy to babysitter and me to work.  I was so frustrated with him that I began to yell at him.  He came and got in my face and was threatening me.  I asked him 3 times to get out of my face, and he refused to do so.  So, I pushed him out of the way.  Being drunk, he was not very stable so he went all of the across the room breaking a tv and entertainment center.  It pissed him off to the point that he came over, picked me up by the neck and slammed me into the bathroom mirror.  He had never been physical with me before.  Galen heard it all and came running.  He kicked his dad right between the legs and dropped him to the ground.  Jeff got off and left the house.  I called Arizona Charlies's West to get a room for a few nights to decide what to do and be away from him, but my debit card was declined so I called the bank.  He had drained our savings account the night before by gambling.  I knew it was time to get out of there, and I knew I only had one option.  I called my mom in Salt Lake and told her what happened.  She had my brother Scott on a plane the next morning.  He got there and we packed up what would fit and threw it in my car.  Jeff didn't want to have Galen because he didn't know how he would care for him.  He signed a permission slip for Galen to come with me and live with me.  By this time, Galen and I were doing really well together.  We all piled in the car and headed for Salt Lake.  I cried the entire time on the freeway until we couldn't see Vegas anymore.  I didn't want to leave there at all, but I knew it was what I had to do.