The nice cop in Taylorsville informed me that I was going to jail. He acted as if I should be surprised about that fact after I had already told him my license was suspended and I had a felony warrant. Needless to say, I was not surprised. Off to jail I go, again. This time I was only there for 6 hours. I have a spotless record with pretrial services (unfortunately). Back to court I go! My mom has decided this time, that she is not paying for a lawyer, so I did have a public pretender. During all of this time of going to court and all of that crap, I found out I was pregnant. Keep in mind that I wasn't very far along when I found out. Pretrial was not drug testing me or anything, but I was not using at that point. I went to the doctor, gave him my history and we determined that the baby had not been exposed to cocaine at all. Thank God!! With Parker on his way, I decided that I really needed to pull my life together and take care of these two beautiful kids. What was happening wasn't fair to them. I went through the court system and got all of my stuff taken care of and was on a really good path to recovery. I'd had Parker by this time and things were great. Then, my dad died. I thought I could handle it, and I did for nealy 8 months. We went by the cemetary at the beginning of May, 2009 and my dad's headstone had finally been finished and looked awesome. I honestly can't tell you what happened other than the headstone suddenly made it real for me. I left the kids with my mom and went seeking old friends and habits. I was gone all night and all of the next day. On my home that next night, I was pulled over by highway patrol. Having no sleep for about 36 hours takes a real toll on a person. I can honestly say I had not used since about 8pm that night, and he pulled me over at midnight. Now, I have had several run ins with law enforcement. On my first arrest, I went down to Sandy City the day after I got out jail, and told them how pleased I was with the way the situation was handled. I don't hate cops or anyone. However, Officer Cody Brown from UHP is the biggest piece of garbage I have ever met. There. I said it. And no. I am not upset with him because he arrested me. I think he is a horrible person who enjoys destroying people further than they are. Just my opinion. He did the field sobriety which I obviously did not pass. It took him 2 1/2 hours to get me from Vine Street and State Street to 3300 S and 700 w. Really?? Every time we got to the jail entrance, he had to turn around and go back to "headquarters" for something. This happened 2 times!~! Really?? Needless to say, I have nothing nice to say about him. I will say this much...thank God for the dash cam/audio they have in their cars. He did receive a write up and had to write me an apology for the psychological abuse he inflicted upon me in those 2 1/2 hours. Still have the apology! LOL. So, the third trip to jail was on 2 hours in and out (once I got there). My mom picked me up and took me home. The long and short of it is that I was convicted of driving with a measurable amount of metabolite in my system (kinda like a dui) and they took my license for 18 months. Revoked this time....not just suspended!
This January 1,2012, I was eligible to get my license back. Now, don't everyone get all excited about me coming to drive you around. I do have the super-duper interlock device on the car. That little jem costs me 70 bucks a month. I do sail right through dui checkpoints now. LOL. For those wondering what the interlock device is, it's a breathalizer that I have to blow in to just to start the car. Then there are the rolling tests. Lots of fun!! LOL
On a serious note, I have now been sober since May 5, 2009. We are coming up on the 3 year mark pretty soon. I am very happy about my progress. There are always those desires to use and there always will be. I live for the day, and sometimes just for the moment. I am having a ball raising my two kids and enjoying being sober and unslaved from the drug. Will I ever use again? I hope and pray I don't. Nothing is for sure in life though. People may think that believing that it could happen would lead it to happening. What it does for is that I don't set myself up for failure. I realize every day that it's a real possibily, so I am able to stay aware of the presence of it, as opposed to shoving it to the side. Many have asked why I didn't love my kids enough to stay sober. I did. I just had my priorities screwed up. I worship and always will my kids. When you have guilt over doing something, a lot of times we wallow in the guilt instead of changing it.
I have really enjoyed writing this blog. I will now continue to put current events and post the good that is happening, because there is so much good. I can't change the way anybody feels, and I certainly don't to tell you how to feel or think. I would only ask that next time you see that "junkie", pause for 1 minute and realize that he/she is someone's daughter, sister, mother, etc. She does have value and she is worth it.
Love to all and God bless everyone!!
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